So I’m at the home décor store, staring at the massive amounts of shower curtains and liners along the wall on display and on rows and rows of shelves, when I wonder…why on earth would anyone pay $35 for a shower curtain liner when they have scads of them on sale for $9? And, I say to myself, determined to save some money at this “everything must go, store going out of business sale” that doesn’t seem like any real sale except for the $9 shower curtain liner, I say self, which is often what I say when talking to myself just to be in agreement with me that there are no extra voices at this point, but I digress…Self, I say, you can save money here. Hey it’s just a shower curtain liner. Men wouldn’t have a clue that there’s a difference between a shower curtain and a liner in the first place, right? Well gay men would…and men with the shopping gene, but not regular beer guzzlin’ guys, so why pay all that money?
I can still hear it ringing in my ears when I’m standing in my tub pulling the old liner out and thoroughly disgusted with myself that I wasted $9 on a liner that I will inevitably, in 4-5 weeks yank off the rings and replace with that $35 liner that I was trying not to buy in the first place. Why, you ask? Why must I go back to the “going out of business everything must go except we’re not going to discount the one thing you can use which is that stinkin’ $35 liner” store and buy the frakkin’ liner? Because there are household rules. And I didn’t adhere.
Yes, there are household rules when buying a shower curtain liner. And silly me, I forgot the rules. Rule One-Establish the non-negotiables. Little did I realize that I had long ago made one non-negotiable when it came to liners. There had to be weights at the bottom. If you have a bathroom that creates any breezy circulation while taking a shower, you know the disadvantages of a no weight bearing liner. You end up wearing the liner rather than the liner doing its job. The entire thing circles your legs and you get soap scummy legs rather than clean legs at the end of every shower. Water goes everywhere because the liner isn’t keeping the water inside the shower, but away from your body. It’s a lose-lose all the way around, thus the non-negotiable part.
Rule Two-Determine the tossability of the item. If I pay $35 for a liner, it better last a really long time. I didn’t think liners needed to be durable, because I could just buy another cheapie later, but now that I need weights the price just went up, so I need something that resists the scrunginess. There goes another requirement for the liner list. Oh and since it has to be sturdy, metal grommets are necessary so it doesn’t tear at the rings/hooks.
Rule Three-Use the loved/hated it notes from the previous version of the item. My last liner was wonderful. It was thick and scum resistant, had weights and was extra wide and tall. Ooh, those are good for the list. The best perk of the last liner was that it had little suction cups on the sides so you could make it stick to the tile to ensure better protection against water leakage. Another thing for the list.
Rule Four-Review your list to see if the new price is really better than the cheap version. Usually it is. Darn it if my mother wasn’t right-you get what you pay for. So now I have my rules for a shower curtain liner and I’m going to go back to that darn store and buy the $35 liner (it’s current value is now $44 to include the wasted $9) and I’ll be smiling. Why? Because I will have it long enough to forget these stupid rules and do it all over again next year.