Tag Archives: shoes

She with the Painful Shoe Wins

I’ve often found women’s relationship to shoes to be an exercise in examining the hilarity of society. Men did not have such an irrational relationship, right? I turns out they did when they wore frilly shirts…and they’re starting to have it again. But men and women still see shoes differently. Or are seen differently because of their shoes.

Now I’m open to the changes in fashion trends…all right, the pants hanging off boy’s backsides isn’t fashion-I’m saying that right now, but other trends I find interesting; however, the moment a guy’s shoes become bigger than his head, he’s umm..thinking with his arse! I’m not sure I can trust the fate of the world to a guy who can’t learn to tie his own laces!

I make fun of men and their shoes only because I have my own obsession. I’m anti-shoe. There, I’ve admitted it just like an alcoholic going off the sauce HI I’m DRIVER and I’m anti-shoe. No I’m not a nature nut or trying to save the “born for their hide” animals in 3rd world countries. I’m anti-shoe because I’m not a fan of my feet.

Feet are an industrious and wondrous invention. We should really thank our Lord that we are bipeds and have this pair of flexible flippers to march us from here to there. I don’t object to them for that reason. My objection to feet is this: women and men are not even remotely equal when it comes to shoes. Women and men can wear the same kinds of suits, pants, glasses, watches, bracelets, necklaces and even earrings and nary an observer would chasten them for doing so, but put a woman in a comfy loafer and all of a sudden our sex, sexuality and overall girliness is called into question. What was I thinking trying to save my back or my bunions (kidding, I don’t have bunions..really) or my toes? I was thinking we could all just get a little practical, but noooooooo practicality is for the weak. And women must be strong or stylish as the case may be.

For the first ten years of my working career, I almost always wore skirts and high heels. Yes, I crammed my toes in those svelte pointy-toed monstrosities every day and limped home every night, soaked my digits in a nice hot bath and begged for extra peppermint foot balm in my Christmas stocking. Who was I trying to please? Not myself, because I was in pain. My toes were in serious trouble. Then the magic happened. I dropped out of the working life and went back to college. This would seemingly have no effect on the shoe issue other than the fact that classes are a bit more casual, right? Wrong-O! Why? Because the university of choice for me was Hills and Stairs University (name has been changed to protect the semi-innocent). There wasn’t a chance I’d survive a day having to cover over 800 stairs-not including the two flights to my dorm room.

Hills and Stairs U stepped me into a new way of life. Shoes were irrelevant. Really, people were barefoot, flip-flopped, sneakered or booted de la hiking store and one pair got a person through for the year. Yes, the year. Hiking boots and dresses were common and nobody cared. Of course, women with hairy legs were common too, but I just got the shivers around them. HSU was a true change of lifestyle. Men didn’t evaluate women on the whole package, the just did it on the package from the knees up. That way everyone could survive the two mile walk when they had to find a place to park their car at 4am. How did this change me? My feet recovered from their pains and I actually liked to walk! I had gotten so used to several pains, I didn’t even think they were shoe related, just signs I was getting older. Limping was now only done in reaction to a sprained ankle and shoes with heels were thrown into the corner and buried under the empty pizza box experiment with the roommate during senior year.

So, it’s been a while since I’ve lugged around books for educational purposes, but I stuck with the comfy shoes for a good long while. And that’s how I noticed the difference between men and women and their shoes. Why can’t we (women) all just revolt and wear the same grungy pair of Vans? Oh that’s right, Vans are now expensive and cool. Funny, when I was a kid, they were the poor kid’s shoe…and I was the poor kid. So what kind of show could be a universal equalizer for men and women? I surely hope it’s not the UGG!

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